I am back !

Hey I am back, happy and enjoying myself, yet to start college (I am now a college going almost adult female), life seems good.

I have also been making my little sis's life miserable, she is one of the whackiest characters that I have met, she is very smart too, I am sometimes amazed by her ideas. Once she grows she will definitely land in bigger trouble than me, 'Dad Mom hope you are aware of it'

I have been feeling good and do desperately want college to open.

Yesterday I made muffins which turned out okay,

AND Oh! I have not been sulking lately and am trying to let go of the various baggages (nasty so called friends who say nice things in front of me but are nasty behind my back).

I seem to have fallen in love with life and love everything that I am doing.

Cheers and Happiness.

Since the past one month I have been receiving nasty and obscene, malicious messages in my cell phone from somebody I am not even aware of, probably one of my classmates.

Till date in school I have always refused to accept any body as anything other than friends, I have always refused to respond to boys who proposed to me. SO when I recieved these SMSs I switched of my mobile and this particular individual started sending messages to my mother's cell. My parents were horrified by the tone and content of the messages and immediately tried to file a police complaint. What was equally horrifying was that the police took it very lightly and would not register this as a serious complaint.

Mom does not allow me to read those messages, Mom is worried about me but also for the person who is sending those messages. She thinks the boy who is sending those messages needs help (counseling and professional psychological help) before this turns into a major problem and he commits a real crime. I do hope the boy( he must be a immature boy who does not have any social skills) gets help and gets a life.

My WISH LIST

After months of sleepless night, finally my exams have come to an end. It was a stressful period. Due to nervousness I constantly ran to the bathroom and saw terrific dreams like I am sitting in the exam hall and I don’t know even a single answer. Thank god it’s all over now.

I thought I would enjoy myself after my exams are over, however it is difficult to get out of the routine that I had followed for so long, I still am unable to sleep well. I have dreadful dreams about how I have fared in my exams and I am excited about going to COLLEGE, at the same time scared what I am going to do out there. Life is beautiful yet scary, beautiful because I still have everything I have wanted as well as not wanted, scary because of what life will be after my exam results are out.

Hope so I do well in the exams…!!!!!

I would love to be as philosophical as my father, optimist as my mother, and in love with everything as my younger sister. At fourteen soon to turn fifteen I think it is wonderful to have so many role models around you. My birthday is near, and I am excited and have so many wishes, some of them are as follows:

- I wish to turn sixteen earlier enough so that I can apply for a driving license, and zoom on my scooty to college.
- I wish I could turn twenty ( I am presuming that I can get a job then) earlier enough so that I could buy a motorcycle from my earning and ride around at least a few states of India on my bike( so much like the Roadies, except for the fact that I do not want to compete with any one).
- I wish my seven year old sister  would go grow up soon so that she does not irritate me as much as she is doing now.
- AND I wish to turn twenty five( my parents think that is the age when daughters turn adults) soon enough so that I can leave the nest that my parents have so proudly built for me and my sister.

Am I asking for a lot NAH!!!!, Will I get it let us see I might, but I might not but who cares, I love being fourteen soon to turn fifteen.

Cheers, Love and Happiness.

Best of LUCK !!!

For all of those who have not slept for the past few months,
For all of those who are struggling with Maths, Science, Social Studies and other subjects.
For all of those who dread the thought of X exams.
For all of those who desperately want to do well in exams.
I do know what you must be going through as I too am going through it every day.

I wish from the bottom of my heart that all of you do well and come out with flying colours.

My best wishes are with all of you.
Cheers ! Peace & Love.

Just a thought!!!

Sometimes I am shallow and selfish,
But I am growing up and these thoughts are natural.

Sometimes I am angry and disturbed,
But I am still a child and my emotions are wild.

Sometimes I am happy and want to share my happiness,
I am young at heart, and have yet to see pain and separation.

Sometimes I love everything and everyone and
the next moment intense hatred for everything and everyone.

Is this natural, is this what growing up is all about?
I would like to find the answers!!!

Farewell

Yesterday, in my school, students from IXth Grade and XI Grade, teachers and Principal gave us farewell, (we have our high school exams this March), my mother asked me how was it. I did not know how to respond, they performed a small havan for us, they danced and sang for us.

Frankly I was irritated, I did not know what to make of it, they danced very badly. I only liked one of my classmate friends speech where he confessed to all the mischief he had been upto. He confessed to breaking benches , he confessed to stealing the attendance register, he confessed to breaking wash basins in the toilet etc. etc. I really felt bad as one of our teachers cried that we would be leaving school, for the first time I felt depressed and did not like leaving school. I shared these feelings about the farewell with my mother and she said a term,'rite of passage' I asked her what that means and she asked me to look into the dictionary I did, it means, ' an official ceremony of informal activity, which marks an important stage or occasion in a persons life especially becoming an adult' Wow how complicated life is. I hope my friends read this too, what happened yesterday and my irritation was probably because I also knew that I would be leaving school, and would never go back to school again, I hope I keep in touch with all my school friends.

Aayee

Yesterday I was very sick, and desperately wanted my grandmother (Aayee as I called her). Sadly enough she died last year in September. Our lives have changed after her death. She was the center of our family. She was a strong woman, who took charge of all of us. I and my sister were completely dependent on her. I loved hearing stories about her and her life. She gave an aura that she could take care of everything. Since 2005 she had been suffering from throat cancer, and only because of her will power and mental strength she survived for four more years. She had two tubes sticking out of her, a tracheal tube through which she breathed, and a nasal tube through which she was fed. But strangely enough she was not dependent on anybody, she prepared her own juice and fed herself through the tube. She cleaned her own tracheal tube and wore it herself. She managed the entire house and us. I dont know from where she got her strength. My younger sister could not do anything without her, she even taught to read and write despite the fact that she herself no longer spoke.

I remember her more now, as I am stressed up for my 10th exams, but I know she is always there for me. Someone asked me who is my role model, I can only see my Aayee and her indomitable spirit and love. I hope I live my life as she lived her life.

Thank you Aayee for all the time that you have spent with me, I really appreciate it.

Euphoria

Yesterday I was very happy, I opened my blog and saw some new posts, one my favourite Uncle, Sadhan Uncle had seen my blog and responded to it and appreciated that. Thank you,  for your words, I really feel good to be surrounded and to be growing up with such great people. And to friends who had looked into my blog and in their own way had responded. Now I do love writing, however I think I need to improve ( I have picked up a bad habit of writing everything in short form (sms), and I am trying to get out of that habit), I appreciate it that everybody is kind of enjoying this space.

Yesterday I was very happy for another thing, I for the first time honestly admitted to my parents about my preboard marks. I never tell them my marks, and they come to know about it from my teachers, who not only point out my marks but also add a few negative things to my parents, I think they want to impress my parents on how good they are as teachers, and how much care they take of their daughter. And though my mom's reaction is always bizzarre, ( yesterday after my mother heard my marks, she grinned and said,"Cheers"),

Yesterday I was very happy that I discussed a lot with Simi Aunty, a friend of my mom. She discussed about life, she discussed about her growing up, and many other things that made me look at everything a bit differently.

I keep going and sitting in my mom's office downstairs as I see a lot of strong people discussing about issues that are in no way related to looks, dresses or visits, or gossips. They talk about vulnerability, community, sexuality, sexual health, empowerment, livelihood, what to do to raise consciousness and they never gossip. I am constantly surrounded by beautiful people, beautiful not in terms of look, I mean all of them are beautiful, but their ideas are interesting, I barely understand it, but I kind of like it. I hope I grow up to be like them.

Mom suggested I call this write up of mine 'Euphoria' which refers to extreme happiness, sometimes more than is reasonable in a particular time.

"YESTERDAY WAS EUPHORIC DAY FOR ME"

Peace & Forgiveness.

Six Things to Remember

Six things that every teen should do to ensure that they do not have any misunderstanding with their parents and their elders:

1. Talk to your parents on how your day went, even if parents are too tired to hear. Parents want to know more about you, but sometimes do not ask you as they are too tired.

2. Wait for your parents to be free before you discuss anything about your requirements, I have many times put forth my requirements when they are busy with some other problems and they do get irritated and are irrational at that time, but I have learn t to negotiate with them reasonably and rationally, and that has worked.

3. Don't throw tantrums about every thing that they refuse to give, help your parents by not demanding too many material things i.e. phones, scooter, or new dresses etc. Many a times parents are short of money, and with our demand increasing it becomes difficult for them to satisfy all our demands.

4. Share with your parents about your friends, teacher and school in general, parents want to know who your friends are, and how you spend your time with your friends, no harm in sharing that with them, after all they raise us and do have a right to know more about us.

5. Don't speak for long in your mobiles with your friends, as you will meet them every day at school, but the company of your parents is very important and priceless.

6. Love your parents unconditionally, sometimes you might have fights with your parents and you will feel that you hate them, you might hate that moment of your fight but not your parents, so tell them frequently that you love them.

Cheers and love to all.

I SPEAK

I am speaking for the first time, I am fourteen and i believe that there is a need to speak on issues relating to growing up which majority of the time does not get addressed by anybody, neither by our parents, teachers, or any adults. And when we ask our friends we get answers which are amazingly wrong, so here is to all of us to get answers for everything and anything through this blog.